misterp Posted March 11, 2006 Report Share Posted March 11, 2006 Hmm.....good one! Its trust! But I am so attracted to Jonathan! I'm pretty sure he likes the way I look too! LOL!!!!(at least i hope he does) I say it's attraction, and that it's impossible to use trust as a grounding point of a relationship, and persons who try are doomed to failure. How I know I'm right: my ex once read in Cosmo how trust was the cornerstone of a relationship and then asked me to prove my love for her by signing a contract that if I ever cheated on her I would give her everything in divorce - she wanted iron-clad 'proof' that I could be trusted to be faithful. I loved her and figured there would be no harm so we filed a post-nuptual agreement. The next week she gratefully told me "I love you so much, now I *know* for sure you love me, and only me, and you will never ever leave me." And she told me again every couple weeks or so. But after 3 months it had been shortened to "I feel safe knowing you will never leave me" and at 6 months to "I know you aren't going anywhere" (she actually said this). At that point her behavior began a ugly slide to being rude, unsociable, and disrespecting our marriage; insults, fights, and being taken for granted - I had unwittingly given her license to abuse our relationship and say/do any nasty thing she cared to because she convinced herself I had agreed to not escape no matter the treatment. And it got childish; cold war, open war, fighting, broken property, multiple arrests (her, not me). Later she even pressed to get a covenant marriage (no divorce ever no matter the grounds, truly 'till death do you part'). Life sucked, it's a good thing we only had plastic hangers. Relationships always start with attraction/chemistry - something about each other draws you together, and hopefully that something will always continue to do that. Hopefully that attraction is well-rounded, i.e. there's more than a couple attributes keeping you attracted to each other; else you have a "shallow" attraction. You can trust someone 100% but if there is low attraction (don't care to be around them anymore) take it from me you'll go your own way eventually. Conversely, you can be so mad at the other you are stuttering, but if the attraction is there you WILL swallow your anger and find a way to work things out! Trust OTOH has to be grown. When two people first meet neither trusts the other at all, either could be a psychopath for all they know, but as they spend more time with each other they grow trust in addition to maintaining the massive attraction they started with. Couples married for decades show high trust in each other as they've grown it over time, it was never just there to begin with; and successful couples never take trust for granted, because trust is a fragile thing, they work on it every day. Here's my point: there are two sides to this coin, one is trust, the other is taking someone for granted. The irony is the more you trust someone the more likely you will take them for granted (look inside families for proof of this). This is easy to spot - if you catch yourself saying/thinking "I've got him/her figured out" or "I know him/her like the back of my hand" then you are taking them for granted, plus your relationship will also have lost it's vitality because you've both become 'stale'. A better way IMO is just the opposite - if you love them allow them to grow, stay fresh, and attractive (both to you and others); your mutual respect will grow and neither will take the other for granted. Mr. P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
04CHASE Posted March 11, 2006 Report Share Posted March 11, 2006 good way to put it P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boogie_baby2628 Posted March 11, 2006 Report Share Posted March 11, 2006 Hmm.....good one! Its trust! But I am so attracted to Jonathan! I'm pretty sure he likes the way I look too! LOL!!!!(at least i hope he does) I say it's attraction, and that it's impossible to use trust as a grounding point of a relationship, and persons who try are doomed to failure. How I know I'm right: my ex once read in Cosmo how trust was the cornerstone of a relationship and then asked me to prove my love for her by signing a contract that if I ever cheated on her I would give her everything in divorce - she wanted iron-clad 'proof' that I could be trusted to be faithful. I loved her and figured there would be no harm so we filed a post-nuptual agreement. The next week she gratefully told me "I love you so much, now I *know* for sure you love me, and only me, and you will never ever leave me." And she told me again every couple weeks or so. But after 3 months it had been shortened to "I feel safe knowing you will never leave me" and at 6 months to "I know you aren't going anywhere" (she actually said this). At that point her behavior began a ugly slide to being rude, unsociable, and disrespecting our marriage; insults, fights, and being taken for granted - I had unwittingly given her license to abuse our relationship and say/do any nasty thing she cared to because she convinced herself I had agreed to not escape no matter the treatment. And it got childish; cold war, open war, fighting, broken property, multiple arrests (her, not me). Later she even pressed to get a covenant marriage (no divorce ever no matter the grounds, truly 'till death do you part'). Life sucked, it's a good thing we only had plastic hangers. Relationships always start with attraction/chemistry - something about each other draws you together, and hopefully that something will always continue to do that. Hopefully that attraction is well-rounded, i.e. there's more than a couple attributes keeping you attracted to each other; else you have a "shallow" attraction. You can trust someone 100% but if there is low attraction (don't care to be around them anymore) take it from me you'll go your own way eventually. Conversely, you can be so mad at the other you are stuttering, but if the attraction is there you WILL swallow your anger and find a way to work things out! Trust OTOH has to be grown. When two people first meet neither trusts the other at all, either could be a psychopath for all they know, but as they spend more time with each other they grow trust in addition to maintaining the massive attraction they started with. Couples married for decades show high trust in each other as they've grown it over time, it was never just there to begin with; and successful couples never take trust for granted, because trust is a fragile thing, they work on it every day. Here's my point: there are two sides to this coin, one is trust, the other is taking someone for granted. The irony is the more you trust someone the more likely you will take them for granted (look inside families for proof of this). This is easy to spot - if you catch yourself saying/thinking "I've got him/her figured out" or "I know him/her like the back of my hand" then you are taking them for granted, plus your relationship will also have lost it's vitality because you've both become 'stale'. A better way IMO is just the opposite - if you love them allow them to grow, stay fresh, and attractive (both to you and others); your mutual respect will grow and neither will take the other for granted. Mr. P. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Wow.....Well here I go....In a relationship you have to know when to let go and when to hold on. Trust is beautiful if allowed to be open about it. I love Jonathan. He is sooo wonderful and believe me I have had my share of heart break and ache and horrible relationships where I had to prove my love and everything with this guy. For no mater what, even tho I never cheated never lied, the trust was hardley there. I couldn't do anything right. Any ways....I have to agree an open heart and an open mind will allow one to grow and learn and become aware of the wonderful things that life has to offer, what love has to offer. Control is only there if one allows it. Jonathan does his thing and i do mine. I wanted to say we let eachother, but really we have sooo much love and trust in one another that we know a night out with the guys and a night out with the girls won't hurt anything we have. And oh yea.....attraction with one another is important! Cuz if you don't have that u will always have it in our mind what if? and that is no where close to what goes on in my mind. I can't wait to hold Jonathan after a long day at work and I know hes the same!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted March 11, 2006 Report Share Posted March 11, 2006 ...Control is only there if one allows it. ... That is a very, very smart thing to say; nothing good ever came of jealousy. You two sound really happy! Mr. P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boogie_baby2628 Posted March 11, 2006 Report Share Posted March 11, 2006 ...Control is only there if one allows it. ... That is a very, very smart thing to say; nothing good ever came of jealousy. You two sound really happy! Mr. P. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> We are.....and thank you for thinking i'm smart!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ces63ss Posted March 11, 2006 Report Share Posted March 11, 2006 boy someone needs to listen to tom laykes (sp) and the laykes101 rules.at 21 and all lovy dovy . well just be careful till she turns 18. but then again its easier said then done. good luck in your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscareltemblo Posted March 12, 2006 Report Share Posted March 12, 2006 lol just take her to mexico for the weekend!! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> True that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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